Those Phrases given by A Father Which Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

But the reality soon became "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more comfortable addressing the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader failure to communicate among men, who continue to absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - going on a few days abroad, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."